If you would have asked me what my life would be like at age 36 I would have a fairy tale story that always has a happy ending. I know better though that in life many trials and tribulations come our way and although it still manifests as a happy ending, it doesn't feel that way in the process. All things will work out for your good but it depends on the perspective that you take with the outcome. Its a struggle to see the good in a hurtful situation but one must make a conscience effort in order to grow. Bitterness can be a distant cousin or a close relative. It all goes back to choice. I have chosen both sides of the fence and I must say that sometimes it appeared that I was closer and more comfortable with embracing the negative feelings in a sticky situation. Comfortable with grief and friends with pain was my story. Sometimes you just get tired... Tired of feeling those blues when blue skies emerge every time as a reminder that God is still in control of everything. Even the blues have no choice but to surrender to the power of God and therefore grace abounds. It soars into places that mercy depends on because of the foolish mistakes that I often make. So I have come to the place in my life where no matter what it feels like I am going to trust what I know and not what I feel. I know that I WILL NOT BREAK! I will not falter and I will not fail. I am a child of the most high God and no weapon formed against me shall prosper!!! That is my message and that is my story. It may seem cliche' however I have experience to back it up. Being a child of both drug and alcohol addicted parents at a young age could have had devastating consequences for my life. Being a victim of limited supervision and curious minds was and still at times creeps into a battle zone of painful and shaming memories. Thank God for putting our sins as far as the East is from the West and still Christ died so that we will have life more abundantly. In order to have an abundant life we have to choose to look to the hills from which cometh our help knowing and affirming that our help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. I had a baby out of wed lock at not a young age. I was 34 and old enough to know, want, and demand better for my life. I feel the shame as I learn to pick up the pieces of an interrupted life. It wasn't in the plans that I had for myself. I am a living example of mercy and as I stated before, I WILL NOT BREAK and because I will not break neither will you! His grace is for us all. He is married to the backslider so I know I'm covered by his blood and I thank Him for saving a wretch like me. So move over troubles and good bye misery. I am counting it all joy!!
Peace

New Year New Attitude

So today was my first day back to work from the holiday break. Due to the inclement weather which included Arctic temperatures and heavy snow, I was blessed with three additional days off from work and I truly enjoyed my vacation. I was surprised at myself that I did not send my son off to daycare at all during this break for at least one day. Instead, I kept him home with me and I soaked in all of his mannerisms and personality. I even contemplated for a second as to whether or not I could actually become a stay at home mother. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought that maybe I would succumb to laziness if I was a stay at home mom but I know now that at the core of me is a maternal instinct that goes beyond teaching right from wrong and it extends to setting good examples even in the domestic arena. I found myself getting in a routine and the days began to flow where I felt like I accomplished something different each day. I must say too that power cleaning is effective. If you are focused and you keep it moving, a lot can be completed in simply 30-40 minutes.
      The night before I went back to work I could not sleep very well because my mind was going a mile a minute in anticipation to going back to work. It never fails. Every time I go back to work after being off work for at least a week, it is very difficult to get a good nights sleep the night before I am scheduled to go back to work. So I got up this morning and slowly but surely, I began to get myself back in the groove. My son is always the game changer. I can be on target with my time and boom as soon as I put on his coat, shoes, etc, I start to smell that oh so familiar and pungent smell that he has when he has done his business and now I have to go back and change his diaper before I leave. Would it be wrong though if I sent him to daycare anyway and tell the babysitter that he used it on the way to school..lol Ok I didn't think so, so I just fall in line and change the little stinker. I drop off my little guy and finally I'm on my way to the office.
     Now normally I would be visiting schools and conducting class observations among other things but today I stayed in the office. After taking care of business, I had a conversation with my co-workers that originated around the whole drama with Gabrielle Union and her fiance'. not shocking to some, he had a baby while they were on a "time out" in their relationship and afterwards he proposed to her and she accepted. Some people are concerned with the precedence that this action is setting for young women today. We talked about how in some ways women are making things to easy for men to get away with and that we are lowering our standards with men. The conversation shifted and we examined the 3 different generations of women in the room along with the family dynamics and how they changed with the different times in society. I think that in my generation we were taught to do what we were told which at times was opposite from what we saw. It caused confusion due to the contradictions that we saw. As we got older, I think that some people copied some things that we saw instead of heading to the wise words that we heard. As I grow each day and go through my own trials and tribulations, I understand more and more about the struggle to not only say but do what we know it right. It is a struggle... New Year and new attitude. Thankful for wise women that surround me and I am expecting greater in 2014!

I just watched the new Old Spice commercial where the mothers come to terms that their dear sons had been turned into men by using the product Old Spice. Wow funny and a little over the top at the same time. It made me spend some time reflecting on my own son and how I would handle the transition from baby boy to teenager to grown man... Its a lot even to write about it but a necessary process for growth and change. My big boy is already changing and constantly growing. It surprises me everyday when I get to witness the daily "New Things" that my son displays. He is so expressive and artistic and not to mention very active. Whew... Talking about motor man. I pray that God will protect him and speak to his heart always!

Play Your Role

Family TIme at the Lion' Game
 

I wonder if playing your role and "marriage material" means the same thing. You see I play my role by cooking although I can up my game my cleaning up more. My house is not dirty but it just seems like it not enough space for everything to go. I literally share a closet with my 2 year old and 7 year old sons. That should tell it all so cut me some slack!! lol Really, I wonder though what constitutes marriage material. Some say communication and some would say sex. Some say respect and the ability to accept people for who they are and and being able to see the best in them. Well thats some of my unmarried thinking that I think has kept me unmarried. Looking for some help here from my married women out there...

Live Through It...

 

What is it about baby showers that pregnant women of all ages are forced into this torture of a hat and forced on display for about an hour as we open gifts and most importantly smile for the many cameras... I mean if one more person asks to take my picture I'm going to snatch this bowl, hat, ribbons and whatever else was used to create this "hot mess" and run out of here!! Really, just kidding kinda sort of... But going through this ceremony is kinds like a rite of passage for some into motherhood. Its like an initiation into a sorority of eternal love and we have to prove fit for the job by totally humiliating ourselves before hand. This was a beautiful day and despite the hat fiasco and drama with family (you know family drama always makes it way somewhere in the mix) I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support. You see my journey to motherhood wasn't the traditional route although it was a planned event. I wasn't married for a full year first so that I could enjoy my husband before we brought children into our new family. No I wasn't married at all...As the words of Deborah Cox says "How did we get here" lol. As I look around and see my beautiful and thriving little boy, I am extremely thankful and blessed to have made it through my journey and initiation to be able to stand strong and live through whatever it takes to become the mother that God created me to be.. Live through it!!